The Real Life Costs of Smoking
If You Marry a Smoker...
In the past it seems like most of the men smoked and the women felt that they just had to put up with it. But those days are over. Now you have a choice…and the best time to make that choice is BEFORE you get married.
Think about it. It doesn't matter how intelligent, handsome, rich or charming he is, if he’s a smoker, his addiction is going to have a major impact on the direction and quality of your marriage and your life.
Thinking about marrying a smoker? Think twice!
Nobody’s perfect, but if you marry a smoker, you may be in for a big surprise, and a lot of disappointment. The bright future that you dreamed about together might end up looking more like this…
- He’ll try to convince you that he’s not really addicted (he can quit if he wants to) and that smoking actually benefits him in some way—relieves pressure; he’s more relaxed, more creative, more in control when he smokes; his business requires it; his friends expect it, etc.
A smoker/ addict can be very clever when it comes to justifying an addiction.
- You and your kids will come second…after his need for his nicotine fix. He’ll help the kids with their homework and rub your aching back…after he runs out to the store for more cigarettes.
- He’ll expect you to clean up his nasty, putrid ashtrays, cigarette butts, and other smoking debris.
- His toxic air will permeate your house, your belongings, and your lungs.
- He’ll arrive home from work with foul-smelling breath and disgusting tobacco-stained teeth and want you to kiss him—Yuk!
- He’ll crawl into bed, permeated with the acrid odor of stale cigarette smoke, and expect you to be attracted to him—He’s gotta be kidding!
- He may persist in risking your health and the health of your children and pets by smoking in the house…”well, I opened the window”, “I’ll only smoke in my study”, “I just bought a ventilating ash tray”, etc. It isn't enough.
- He’ll squander a large portion of the family money…money that would otherwise go to educating your children and improving the living standard for the whole family. In some poor families, smokers have even spent the last of the family’s food money on cigarettes because their need for nicotine became more urgent than feeding their children.
And as a result of his addiction…
- He’ll have fewer job opportunities because many companies no longer hire smokers.
- He’ll have a weaker immune system and will probably miss work more often due to illness.
- He’ll be passed over for job promotions if he’s competing with non-smokers.
- He may have difficulty “getting it up” (having an erection). Erectile Dysfunction is becoming widespread among men, although nobody wants to talk about it. Note the popularity of Viagra and other "male enhancing" drugs.
- He will probably have a lower sperm count and be less able to produce children.
- The physical and mental capacity of the children he produces will be less than if he were a non-smoker.
- Your children will probably get poorer grades in school than children of nonsmokers.
- He’ll be short-tempered, if not irascible, if he can’t have his nicotine fix when he needs it.
- He’ll probably be difficult to live with when he realizes that he has to quit smoking and then goes through withdrawal. (And it may happen many times before he’s truly smoke-free)
- He’ll gradually lose his confidence and self-esteem if he’s unable to quit.
- He’ll probably feel terrible guilt and remorse when he finally realizes what he’s done to his family, and die feeling like a failure if he hasn’t been able to quit.
- In order to avoid the embarrassment, guilt, and shame of being unable to quit, he'll begin lying about his efforts and spending more time “at the office”…with those who don’t care if he smokes or not, like his old smoking buddies or other women.
- His frequent illnesses will give you the extra burden of taking care of him—and smokers sometimes take a very long time to die. Some smokers with Emphysema, for example, drag an oxygen tank around with them for more than 20 years…they can’t breathe without it.
- His prolonged, painful illness will probably use up the family’s savings.
- His addiction may make you a widow at an early age.
Hopefully you’ll make a better choice for your next marriage.
And what about you?
Perhaps when you got married, you thought he was Prince Charming and in the heat of romance, you chose to overlook his smoking. Or maybe he promised to quit…someday.
- Eventually you’ll figure out that the filthy stench that pollutes your home, your hair, your clothing, and your lungs can give you and your kids all the same smoker’s illnesses, including breast cancer, lung cancer, emphysema, asthma, decreased mental capacity, and fatigue.
- In order to protect your health and the health of your children, you’ll ask him to quit smoking…or at least do it elsewhere.
If he doesn't’t agree and succeed at quitting, you’ll find yourself spending large amounts of your valuable time, energy, and money discussing, squabbling, and fighting over his smoking and trying to help him quit.
If you and he both fail, what are the consequences?
* You’ll spend your precious hours listening to his shameless excuses and justifications for his callous behavior, as his need for a nicotine fix supersedes rational thinking and compassionate consideration of others.
* You’ll be taking sick leave for your own smoking-related illnesses and more days to take care of your husband and children.
* You’ll find yourself spending more and more hours alone, shouldering the family responsibilities by yourself, as he finds excuses for smoking elsewhere.
* Even if he agrees to smoke outside, you're still breathing the toxins and pollutants that he already deposited there. They can linger in the curtains, carpeting, and upholstery, silently doing their lethal damage for years.
* You’ll work hard to balance the family budget and wonder where all the money went…not only to cigarettes, but also breath fresheners, additional cleaning bills, Viagra, quit- smoking products and programs, and medical bills…leading to more arguments.
* You’ll see that your requests and reasons are futile in the face of his addiction.
The charming fellow you fell in love with may seem to you like a completely different person as he becomes a slave to his addiction. Unfortunately, an addict no longer has the option of free will or freedom of choice.
The nice guy you married is still inside somewhere,
but addiction rules.
You and your child will continue to suffer and compromise your health…or
In order to protect yourself and your children, you may need to make a life of your own.
You could have done that in the first place, and saved everyone a lot of aggravation.
So…thinking about marrying a smoker?
Get him to quit, really quit…BEFORE you commit.
Better yet, hold out for a non-smoker.
Are you a smoker looking for a mate?
Here are some things you need to know…
- Most people, men and women, prefer nonsmokers...as marriage partners, office mates, employees, and friends.
- Your competition is keen. More and more smokers are getting the message and quitting. Even more young people are choosing to be smoke-free …they are the best marriage material because they haven’t damaged their DNA and reproductive quality by smoking.
- Young people are more independent and assertive …they no longer feel that they have to be married in order to feel fulfilled. They would rather be happy and single than married and miserable.
- If you smoke, nobody wants or needs the aggravation that you would bring to a marriage. (see above)
- Smoking around others is considered abuse…especially around children and pets, who have no means of their own to escape. In many countries, such abuse is grounds for divorce.
- In a divorce, the children and pets almost always go to the nonsmoker.
So…looking for a mate?
Increase your chances.
Be a nonsmoker!